Fairy tales and Hollywood romance stories end with the flourish ‘happily ever after’ just like that, smoothly. And while that sounds like a nice way to think about a relationship, reality kicks in, wakes you up and makes you realize things don’t just happen – you have to make them happen!
People date, putting their best foot forward, to acquire the relationship they want, or the sex partner they want or just that dose of adventure they want. People have a clear objective at the dating stage, which makes it fun, stimulating and worth pursuing.
However, the challenge and test steps in once people have acquired what they want. This is when usually they turn their focus to something new. They figure they have what they want, so now it’s on to the next acquisition. We stop doing the thoughtful, considerate things we did while dating. After all, the pursuit is over. We have our prize. Now we can turn our attention to other important things in our lives.
Moreover, as a general rule, women need romance to feel sexual, and men need sex to feel romantic. This works really well during the Getting Together Stage and the Compatibility Stage of relationships, when each of you had impressing and pleasing the other as your goal but once you enter the committed Maintenance Stage, something usually changes.
This is usually a process that happens slowly and gradually. You may not even notice it as you begin to do less and less of the things you did when you were dating. You may tell yourself things such as, “The job takes my time.” “S/he knows how much I love him/her.” “There’s no money to go out anymore.” “I have other financial priorities.” “There’s no time left at the end of the day.” “I’m exhausted.”…and so on…
I am no love Guru, but I had my share of relationships – with failed and successful parts, and the truth is all of the above is what gets in the way of maintaining a happy and satisfied relationship. We forget to prioritize our loved one because we tend to take him/her for granted. Men slowly start to be less romantic, while women slowly begin to be less sexual. If ignored and left untreated, then you can get to a place where you are strangers living the same commodity story or in the same home.
It is important to understand that nothing in life comes easy, just like that, be it money, career or love. You have to make things happen. And fighting for what is worth, for what you want and for your happiness should not come as a burden. This is who we are: constant learners and fighters throughout this living! The sooner you realize it, the better! So, to this end, never stop finding ways to make your significant other feel special and loved…be it gestures, be it words, be it a loving look or touch, be it anything simple and from the heart!