Free yourself of the past through forgiving and forgetting, not second chances

I don’t believe in second chances. And that is because I think that those who hurt you once will do it a second time as long as you give them the chance to so. I don’t believe in second chances, however, I sometimes end up giving them, because even though I consider myself a smart girl, reason has no chance in front of emotion sometimes. And even though we often don’t forgive those who have wronged us, we give them another chance just for old time’s sake, because we are naive enough to hope that we could still re-live those nice times and memories.

Sometimes there are people who hurt you so much that you simply do not want to have them around anymore. With them you simply can not take the chance to strike you again; you do not hate them, do not hold any resentment, you are just avoiding as much as possible to meet them, and if you bump into them on the street, you say ‘hello’ politely then turn your head, because you can no longer look at them the way you did. It would be hypocrite to admit it otherwise. Interestingly enough is that if you had the opportunity to hurt them, you wouldn’t, if you were offered the chance to return kicks, you would not take it. Because all you want for/from them and in relation to them is … nothing. Paradoxically, you become simply indifferent to those who once meant the most to you. Why? I do not know. Perhaps also because people who suffer finally get to be careless out of their inner strength, or because you know there is no other greater harm that can be done to you as maybe you were hit so hard that your sensitivity fell asleep, and meeting with the whom has wronged you no longer triggers anything at all. 

“I forgive, but never forget ” – these are words that we say bitterly after each knockdown, convinced that forgetting means not learning from our past experience and that if we cluster all our failed relationships somewhere in a secluded drawer of our heart to remind us of what we should watch out for, nothing and no one will ever touch us. What we don’t realize is that gathering so much old “watch-out for” unforgotten feelings in our hearts throughout time, ends up in us being reluctant to fit anyone else there and not opening the door to anyone anymore. So then is it good only to forgive if we can’t forget? How can you say that you have forgiven, if you’re not able to be looking at a person as you did before, if you only remember the pain that person once made you feel? Can you hope for a new beginning when you still keep hooked on and keep a betrayal locked in your heart? It’s strange to meet with those who have been part of your life at a time and look at them now like at strangers. So the questions remains can you really forgive if you do not forget? And above all, are you a bad person because you can not forget?

The idea is that you are not a bad person to the world if you cannot forget, but you harm yourself. We all make mistakes, we all do harm, it is in human nature. The real strength comes from letting things go, forgiving, forgetting, and being able to look at the other person normally, like you would look at any acquaintance – then you are ready to welcome other people in your life, in your heart because you don’t hold grudges, you don’t have bad memories, you don’t feel uncomfortable in relation to some situations, you are on a clean sleigh, free…and that is a wonderful feeling! Instead of feeling nothing towards a person that wronged you, feel that you want that person to be genuinely happy and well. Forgiving and forgetting doesn’t mean giving a second chance to that person, it is about letting go and freeing your heart, preparing new better beginnings for yourself. So, it is your choice! Try your limits, activate your willpower, and forget, not only forgive what was once painful in your past!


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