I don’t pretend to be an expert in matters of the heart, dating or relationships, but I had my share of experiences: good, wonderful, neutral and some also painful or less pleasant. And I have learned a few things to keep me always going, positive and to enjoy life no matter what!
We all get to experience the whole array of feelings during a lifetime. And it’s ok. We survive! Because sometimes the pain is there to remind you that you are alive, and that you have so many other things to be thankful for than an in love lost mind and a floating heart.
I decided to write this post because I noticed how every girl in this world, more often than not when she goes over 27 years old, she starts to be freaked out by the idea of being single at any point in time. I have learned that being single for a while is actually very beneficial for a woman: she gets to understand better what she wants, how she feels, she can take better care of herself, she learns to rely solely on herself…she feels FREE. And I believe feeling free to have fun, enjoy life, date whoever who want is a gift, and it is a gift of youth that you rarely take back or relive like you do it in your 20s.
The problem is that the fear of being single can drive people to stay in bad relationships or settle for less-than-desirable partners! Such settling reveals a sad paradox: those who most closely link happiness with being in a relationship may, out of a fear of being single, reduce their ability to find happiness within a romantic relationship. So, why would you want to do that to yourself? You could stress about looking for Prince Charming or staying in a toxic relationship under the excuse that you are working on it (for 3-4 years at least) because you think being alone is worst, and consequently see your best years going to waste, or you could enjoy life, your passions, take care of your self, book a trip with the girls in a party destination and live it up!
And believe me, independent girls that do well on their own and that are self-confident (basically not needing a man to identify themselves), end up much better, actually get the happy ending insecure and clingy girls desperately look for, and as a bonus they are more attractive. The moment you actually and truly enjoy your single life as a woman and your attitude shows it, that’s the moment you will see guys being attracted to you. And this is because you will seem relaxed, enjoying living and honestly you are a small pray again. Because no matter what anyone says or what your ideal view of a man is, men like to hunt! If there is no hunt, there is no interest. Easy to get is not at all attractive. Ok, don’t make it impossible either, men get bored or scared – just make it interesting, pleasant, mysterious and don’t melt right away (at least not in front of the man). The idea is to know people, experiment, have fun, be relaxed, patient and enjoy their company without always thinking about future steps, framing the connection with the guy into whether it is a relationship or not. Give the guy the freedom that you enjoy, make him feel it, make him like to spend time in your world because it is relaxing, there’s no pressure, and if there is a strong connection, both of you will feel it with out naming it or built expectations. It goes naturally.
However, if you stress out about getting 30 and being single, you will always send bad signals, desperate ones, or react in ways that will push men away from you. Plus, you have to try at least once the experience of being really single and on your own, but enjoying it to the extent that you are really not looking for a guy to marry or have kids with – but for experimenting new things and feelings, and living your life as you want.
Step away from what society thinks or how it pressures you. The most important thing is to be happy with yourself. A love can always go wrong, a partner can always leave you, but you have to be able to see the sunshine in your life which actually comes down to being healthy, living and breathing. Your existence should be a joy as a standalone!
Here’s a few things I did to build up this thinking:
– Wake up every morning, look over the window and find something beautiful to admire and enjoy (believe me – it is summer, so it is easy to do so) – this can be the sun, the birds singing, a lake, a green park, a blue sky, children playing and laughing, whatever makes your heart tick, anything at all.
– Look in the mirror and smile! You may not be perfect, but you are unique and beautiful! And if there is anything you want to improve about your image, this is the time to do so. You are single, so you have time to focus your energy on becoming a better self: go to the gym, massage, dye your hair, eat healthy, run, focus on your passions, start dancing – experiment things on your body that now you have time for and for sure will make you feel better.
– Always be busy. The point above will give you ideas on how to fill your schedule, but also Go out! Meet people! Laugh, enjoy, socialize, go to the movies, go shopping by yourself. Keep yourself busy!
– Eat out with friends, meet them for lunch in the lunch break, go dancing, go on holiday with the girls (I guess this is my favorite part!).
– When you meet guys, do not look for Mr. Perfect! He does not exist! Go out, have fun, you don’t have to marry the first guy you date! Discover people, listen to them, gather moments (not mushy memories!).
– No need to feel bad next time another friend gets married, has a child or receives a romantic surprise – because honestly, at one point you will have all of those. Just not now, because you still have some living up to do! Can you honestly say you have done a lot of crazy things? So why waste time on trying to worry when the Perfect Family or Relationship will be?! Go with the flow! Your life is wonderful without any strings attached, without crying babies, or a guy to monitor you or tell you how to dress or what to eat or when to come home.
– Most importantly: Stop picturing or planning your future when it comes to your love life! Live in the present!
– And last but not least: Practice positive thinking! Always! A happy woman is a woman that will convey happiness around her and will find happiness so matter what life throws at her!
So, there you go! If you are single, and worry deep in your heart about it, STOP it and enjoy your living! Get out there, live, admire beauty around you, feel grateful for all the nice things in your life, and for other forms of love than romantic one that you are surrounded by (from friends, family, your pet 🙂 ). Book your trip with your girlfriends, look out for yourself, do crazy things! Be Your Happy Self and you will attract happiness!