I believe that, among others of course, that are three important lessons that one must learn in their late 20s:
1. How to fall in love without completely losing oneself
2. How to quit a job that does not make one happy or have the guts to change the career track completely in line with one’s dreams
3. How to be alone, standalone, benefit from and enjoy it
The last point is the one I felt like writing about today…
Being alone can be a fantastic thing. And I have learned this only in the past few years honestly.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been part of or at least in search of a “group” every time I moved somewhere else — friends that were interconnected by commonalities, a support system that I could rely on no matter the circumstances. It felt safer, especially being away from home. Luckily it came naturally to me every time…I always had people surrounding me. The same was with relationships for me…I always used to be in a relationship…it felt only normal…and safe again…protecting myself from what? Don’t ask, I would say loneliness, but that would be silly I see now.
Everything is easier if you are part of some sort of whole: you can always count on having weekend plans, a partner for the holiday or dinners, or any party the group throws has a pre-planned invite list. You always belong somewhere.
Then…a while ago something changed for me…in me. I started feeling the need to be alone…to recharge, to reflect, to breathe… I guess it came with growing up. And then a period of single hood that I actually enjoyed a lot and built up to my confidence.
In reflecting on my past, I know that forming a positive relationship with myself and embodying the idea that I am enough on my own sometimes is the foundation for building positive, worthwhile relationships with others later on. Sometimes, you don’t need to belong to any group, you should just do things differently, your way, because ultimately this is what you want.
Loneliness isn’t something to fear. I think it’s important to learn to be ok with being alone, especially for a woman. That needy instinct that most women have must be unlearned (us women even go in pairs to the bathroom :))) )
Learning to enjoy the time you spend alone can help you build a better relationship with yourself. Voluntary solitude is a great way to get back in touch with your feelings and remember all the things that make you awesome. If you want to feel more confident, first tackle your fear of being alone. And this is mostly for the single girls. There is nothing more empowering than a confident single woman.
Once you become more comfortable with the idea of being alone, doing activities like shopping, seeing a movie, or running by yourself can actually be enjoyable. You can do whatever you want without having to respond to anyone’s preferences, schedule or expectations. You might discover that spending at least one afternoon or evening per week on your own doing something you love can be totally relaxing and liberating.
Also, taking some “me” time gives you an opportunity to get away from distractions for long enough to reflect on your relationships and the course of your life so that you can determine what changes, if any, you may want to make.
Moreover, when you spend time alone, you give yourself the chance to appreciate who you are and to love yourself. You learn to love your own company. You connect with yourself in a way that you can’t get when you’re always looking for a connection from an outside source, whether that outside source is someone or something. The fact is, loving yourself and becoming happy from the inside out is the absolute best way to connect with others. People become drawn to you because Confidence and Happiness radiate outwards. The key is in finding the balance between spending time alone and spending time with others. Too much of either can be a bad thing.
I used to hate being alone. Now, I love it. It gives me a chance to really connect with myself, be creative, relax, breathe. Don’t get me wrong. I love being social and around others. But, there are times when I just need some peace. I simply choose to love and embrace the chance to have some alone time. It’s beneficial even for people in long term relationships. Believe me. Try some! 🙂