About rain & love…

I love the rain. 

I love the smell of grass washed by rain and the sunny mornings when 
only the wet road remembers what happened 
the night before, 
when you don’t have to remember the past 
because the present is here.
I love the scent of the rain, 
and also his scent. 
I love the rain, 
I love summer, 
I love him,
how he drops his fingers on my skin. 
I love the long summer nights 
with open windows 
and endless rain. 
And the times 
when he looks at me, 
he smiles and he asks: 
“What are you thinking about?” 
“Nothing” I always say… 
To look at someone
and to be able only to breathe… 
That is perfect! 
I have three favorite seasons: 
Summer,

Rain

and Love.

One day…

One day, I don’t know when,

you’ll wake up with a familiar taste on your lips,

but you will not remember whose is it

and you’ll breathe my scent

without knowing that it’s mine.

Your sleepy hand will meet among linens,

foreign forms,

that fingers do not know,

that do not match,

that do not blend with your skin,

with your breath,

as your bed

bares the shape of my body,

so naturally, just like your white shirt,

was made for me.

And a pair of lips will kiss you

but not slightly biting your lip,

for they do not know how you like it.

Your beard will have been longed shaved,

and all that will connect us will be:

forgetfulness

from the other side of the world.

Only your shirt

will remember

you loved deeply,

but you will not know whom.

I surrender.

In the city of time

The distances drain in gray seconds.

Trapped between two worlds

My words hidden in the clouds

Arise from silence…

Embracing the breeze of nude oblivion

I manage to decode the elliptic blue.

The one taking over my soul,

The one muting my being,

Whose pain

Finds meaning in my dream

And finds redemption in your arms.

I surrender to you and time…

How long before your embrace

Will heal the cracks of my broken soul?

Sleep your Emptiness away…

I feel like 

Writing down some bizarre 

Trivial simple lines…

What are they really?

Nothing.

Emptiness…
I can’t cry.
I wish salty wet tears,

Full of thoughts,

Would drain down my face

And liberate me.

But they don’t…
I am sleepy.
It’s really too early…
Usually at this time

I am in a dream,

In Paradise

Or in his arms,

Swamped in warm kisses.
I am smiling.
Randomly and often,

An optimistic depression.

Because of him

It is an unconscious blessing. 

I know…trivial

But ultimately mine and beautiful.
I am thinking.

A word has slipped

In the phrases that I write …

I feel

As my eyelids would want to close

From so much weight…

In a deep and dreamy

Sleep,

But the dream is empty.

It is deserted and bizarre.

Stolen by this reality nightmare.
I’m waking up.
I look around scared.

It was just a dream,

Such a waste…

It seems to be such a nightmare waking up.

The emptiness is still here

And the darkness is 

Still pressing my eyelids.

I close them and I see

A face,

That look… The one 

That keeps on saving me.

He smiles at me.
I understand.

It’s fully night outside.

Complete darkness.

I feel it taking over me,

So I’ll just sleep.

Let him shed light in a dream

And save me again…

Have you tried living the Perfectly Imperfect?

img_1029I was thinking the other day how that fact that I have been raised by my parents in the ultimate Disney culture left a strong mark on my personality. Watching fairytales and being inspired by happy endings really shaped my perspective on life. Funny, right? But ultimately true and those who know me can confirm :). So there you go: I believe in people, in breaking the odds, I am more than often too optimistic and of course I believe in happy endings and true love or the idea that two people can find each other and be truly happy together for the rest of their lives. And yes, until some time ago, I also believed in the one true love and the perfect relationship. The last two beliefs were shuttered with age, I must say.

There is one thing that maybe is not as accurate in real life as in fairytales: the fact that there is only one person in the world for us, and unless we find that person, we are doomed to a lonely life of romantic misery. In fact, what I learned through experience is just the opposite. There are actually a lot of people with whom we could experience a passionate love and a deeply fulfilling relationship. When we limit our search to that “perfect” someone, we foster a mentality of perpetual “window shopping” (if you know what I mean 🙂 ). Moreover, we’re very likely to give up too easily on what could be the “perfect” imperfect relationship. It took me a while to understand, but once I did, I was highly relieved and things changed for me: my relationship and the way I felt in general. Seeking perfection is tiring & pressurizing, and it is not at all fulfilling on a longer term. Those of you who are perfectionist know what I mean. It is a sacrifice to seek perfection.

Most of us were fed by fairytales, media, our friends or family that love should come and be easy, otherwise it is not love. II used to believe this, but not anymore. No beautiful or good thing comes easy. Think about it!

Whether, it’s during the first week of dating or the seventh year of relationship or marriage, all relationships will inevitably hit rough patches. These patches often send people running away, rather than staying around to try to work it out. I did this mistake, and most of us, women, do. We like building ideals in our head of the perfect man, perfect relationship, perfect house and so on. But it’s nonsense. I read an article by a psychologist who said “If I could make one change in how Western culture views relationships, I would change the perception that infatuation equals love. Love points out that the initial stages of a relationship often leave the brain flooded with “happy” molecules, a chemical reaction that heightens both emotional and physical attraction. Once these molecules subside, problems surface, leading to conflict and, sometimes, even break-ups.” This does not mean to settle for something that does not work, of course. People may end up realizing they are incompatible after the “love sparkles” go away. And going separate ways is the right and mature thing to do. What I am saying is just that one should deeply look into why he/she is are running away from when issues arise. Some things may be beautifully imperfect even though they are not how we have pictured them initially. You know it’s right to be next to someone, if you have many moments of calmness of mind and soul together. This should give you confidence that you are at least compatible. The rest can be fine-tuned. 

Because all relationships are likely to challenge us, the best relationship advice I can give is to find someone you really like and invest in that relationship. Stop looking for the perfect partner and start focusing on what you need to address within yourself in order to achieve a more ideal romance. A relationship is one of the best ways for developing yourself. There are many unexpected choices that could make you happy, but to make a relationship work means being willing to take the ride with someone and then looking inward. Imperfection may surprise you!

Real relationships are rarely easy, but they also shouldn’t be too hard or hurtful. Instead, they should be looked at as an adventure, so we shouldn’t expect a perfectly smooth ride. Every couple is made up of two independent people with two sovereign minds. This means, at times, the two  may see things differently. Struggles will arise, and when they do, what matters most will be our ability to get through the hard times. We can anticipate and face challenges with a combination of strength and vulnerability. Yet, to start this adventure, we must open our hearts and minds to the another person. It took me while to do so, but once I did things completely changed, for the good. Naturally, some connections are stronger and some choices more ideal than others, but any love can grow when we are willing to explore our own limitations and grow our own capacity for closeness.

Recalibrate from negative thoughts with Gratitude

With my birthday knocking on the door, it’s that time of the year I start overthinking my life. Let’s say this weekend I had some extra spare time (more than usual when I act social) to do this as I have been indoors with a flu. Honestly as a bad human habit, or blame it on the fever, I started thinking not at the things I have accomplished so far, but at those missing from my life first…

IMG_4225It took me some time to recalibrate and refocus on all the good things I have been given in my life, realize how many they are actually, be grateful for them, never again fall in the trap of taking them for granted, and welcome the future with a big smile on my face!

I read this great quote today…about Gratitude: “If the only prayer you say in your life is ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.” (Meister Eckhart)

Gratitude means thankfulness, counting your blessings, noticing simple pleasures, little things, and acknowledging everything that you receive. It means learning to live your life as if everything were a miracle, and being aware on a continuous basis of how much you’ve been given. Gratitude shifts your focus from what your life lacks to the abundance that is already present, which is more often than not a lot! Focusing on being grateful and saying thanks makes people happier and more resilient, it strengthens relationships, it improves health, and it reduces stress. I know many may say I am slightly unrealistic, preaching about a constant state of positive gratitude, but if you would practice gratitude, you would see I am not. Actually, to say you feel grateful is not to say that everything in your life is necessarily great. It just means you very are aware of our blessings.

Most people, including me, tend to take for granted the good that is already present in their lives. Have you ever imagined for a second what it would be like  losing some of the things that you take for granted, such as your house, your ability to see or hear, your ability to walk, or anything that currently gives you comfort? I did today… and it was a sort of “Aha, moment” combined with “I am damn superficial! Get a grip!” 🙂 Then imagine getting each of these things back, one by one, and consider how grateful you would be for each and every one. I did this exercise a few times, and it just made me realize how lucky I am and really blessed.

Every each of us should start finding joy in the small things instead of holding out for big achievements—such as getting the promotion, having a comfortable “deposit” saved up, being richer, slimmer, more popular, getting married, starting a family, and so on.

What I have learned is that when things don’t go my way, I believe that every difficulty carries within it the seeds of an equal or greater benefit. So, when I calm down, I ask myself: “What’s good about this situation?”, “What can I learn from this?”, and “How can I actually benefit from this?”. It has worked every time to put me back on track and feel comfortable with a not-so-comfortable situation.

Once you become oriented towards looking for things to be grateful for, you will find that you begin to appreciate simple pleasures and things that you previously took for granted. Gratitude should not be just a reaction to getting what you want, but an all-the-time gratitude, the kind where you notice the little things and where you constantly look for the good even in unpleasant situations. Just try to start bringing gratitude to your experiences, instead of waiting for a positive experience in order to feel grateful. This way, you’ll be on your way toward becoming presently happier. 🙂

 

Tough times? Here’s 9 Mantras I use to get back to the optimist groove.

IMG_3825If you ever asked yourself how a positive person deals with disappointment, well, he/she simply deals with it. Period. And finds a way to ultimately transform it into a learning experience.

I have realized that each time tough times come around, I learn a lot about myself. So this is how I take the unpleasant –  an opportunity to grow, to change my limitations and outperform my reactions and attitude.

Also, tough times make me be more aware of who I am and what I want. Weird, right? But think about it. It may have happened to you that during a difficult period you understood better what you want at the end of the day, you cleared your thoughts and focused on what really matters. The irony…

The more I thought about how I deal with not so pleasant times and situations in my life, I realized I actually apply a pattern so I put down 9 ‘Mantras’ or tip&tricks for getting over those tough days/times in your life… So here they go. I hope you find them inspiring.

1. I have what I need to get through this.

Thinking things like “I can’t do this” or “This isn’t fair” will cause you to feel defeated. Rather than insist you need more, remember what you already have. If you’ve made it this far in life, you clearly have some skills, tools, and resources already in place.

2. Living according to my values is what really matters.

There are going to be people who won’t like you and times when people will disagree with the decisions you make. But your job isn’t to please everyone. Be brave enough to live according to your values, even when that means making unpopular decisions.

3. Failure is part of the road to success.

Failure is not fun, but beating yourself up over it won’t help. Each time you fall down, it serves as proof you’re pushing yourself to new limits. Remember that each failure is an opportunity to grow stronger and become better.

4. All I can do is my best.

Demanding perfection from yourself will do more harm than good. Whether you’re interviewing for a job that you really need, or you’ve got one last shot to try for that promotion, insisting there’s no room for error will skyrocket your anxiety. A little self-compassion will help you perform at your peak.

5. 5 years from now this won’t matter as much as I think it will.

Keep temporary problems in perspective by reminding yourself that the emotional pain, anxiety, or turmoil won’t last forever. Many of today’s crucial decisions and major worries won’t actually matter that much a few years down the road.

6. I’m stronger than I think.

A serious health problem or an unexpected break-up can be very difficult to handle. But catastrophic predictions like “I’ll never recover from this” or “I won’t ever be happy again” will only drag you down. Adversity often reveals hidden inner strength you never knew you had. Believe me, I have been there, done that and made me a better me.

7. I can handle feeling uncomfortable.

It can be tempting to stay inside your comfort zone, but getting through tough times often requires you to do something different. Although emotions like fear, embarrassment, and disappointment are uncomfortable, they won’t kill you. Be willing to face those emotions head on and you’ll gain confidence in your ability to cope with discomfort.

8. I am in control of how I think, feel, and behave.

Blaming other people for what’s going on in your life won’t help your situation. Acknowledging that you’re in control of how you think, feel, and behave can empower you to either make the best of your circumstances, or create positive changes in your life.

9. I’ve been knocked down before and I can get back up again.

Look back at the times you’ve persevered before. Recalling your fortitude in dealing with past struggles can help you summon the strength to deal with current problems.